“He chases you until you catch him.” My sweet, great Grandma Marie said. “To keep mystery in your relationship, never let him see you completely naked. Always keep something covered.” Advice from yet another of my great grandmothers who is no longer with us. Yeah, so I come from a long line of sexual teases. Who’d have thunk it, right? *Smiles ever so sweetly*
It all started back in 2011 when I began reading damn near anything I could get my mitts on that had a Dominant/submissive current. I thought to myself, okay… This must mean something and maybe there is more to myself, my sexuality, than I previously believed. So, after a year and a half or two years of this, I opened my first CheekyBlushin blog and started asking popular D/s tumblrs my burning questions.
I read and researched, I joined a chat room completely dedicated to Dom/sub relations and man… I had fun. I also learned a lot, but I struggled. Boy did I struggle, because I felt like maybe something was wrong with me. No one ever judged or said anything to this effect. In fact, these are some of the most accepting, patient, and tolerant people I have ever met in my life, but I couldn’t help but feel like somehow I didn’t quite fit into this group either.
I knew I wasn’t a domme and I only had a little interest in switchy play, but I definitely saw differences between many subs’ behavior vs. my own. Hell, the idea of some of the play and scenes they all spoke of loving would have made me storm out of a room faster than you can say Tallulah; all hair flips and sass and steam emanating from my ears.
***I feel I need to say at this juncture that I did not and do not judge anyone for what they consensually do. Just because it’s not my own brand of kink, please don’t think I disapprove or think less of others because they’re into the things I am not.***
So, discouraged and frustrated, I went back to the drawing board thinking that maybe I wasn’t a submissive after all, but when I continued to read and lose myself in erotica… Ho boy, I’d lose myself hard when a Dominant character said the right things and touched the submissive just so. We will just say it still left me a squirmy pile of woman with flushed skin and mussed up hair and perhaps that confused me even further.
It was around this time a nick name emerged. I began to be known in certain circles as the “Alpha Sub.” It was sweet and cute and totally teasing, but it made so much sense to me. You know you see these little quizzes, “WHAT TYPE OF SUBMISSIVE ARE YOU!?” that have results like; brat, little, domestic, warrior princess, etc. Well, the point is, there are MANY brands of submission. What a sub likes, what makes them feel wanted, cherished, and ya know… What gets them off *Winks* differs greatly from person to person.
I’ve always secretly loved the temptress type character and I’ve written many a seductress in my time, all full of charm and wit and oozing with come hither, but definitely not one to simply bow down. I’m the sort to only use esteemed addresses (Like Sir, Daddy, etc) for people viewed worthy and not all the time either, but as the moment moves me. See, these titles from me are valuable. They truly MEAN something. I’ll always be one to be silly and fun, but also to make use of clever and/or playful words to remain aloof. To watch and observe and draw out the character of a person.
I recently saw this quote and I had to reblog and put my spin on it… Maybe this will help you see where I am coming from?
“My little girl, princess and babygirl outside the bedroom. Inside of it, you are my dirty little slut and fuck toy. Clear enough?“ -daddylookingforhisbaby
To which I added the commentary, “Nah, I’m your siren and I wanna see if you can inspire my submission… Sir. *Winks*
Whereas those words from the original post would get many submissive types all hot and bothered and rarin’ to go, it’s not quite the rumbly whisper I crave in my ear. I’ve had people tease me that I’m a brat and being honest… That hurts. I’m very sweet and respectful, but I’m not a pushover. I require effort and work… Pursuit. In my mind, that will make my Sir not only a better Dominant, but also a better man. Submission is not the right of the Dominant, but the gift of the submissive.
I’m gonna throw some stuff out there… Being a good submissive does not mean you HAVE to desire threesomes, or girl on girl, or sharing, or pain, or degradation. Hey, if you like any of these things, go forth and rock out with them!!! But if you do not want those types of scenes, DO NOT allow anyone to guilt you into feeling like you should do these things.
It all comes down to this for me… I am a very feisty girl that loves to tease. I like pushing boundaries. I adore the thrill of the chase and I want to cause my man to be challenged. I mean, don’t we all love a creative lover? If I can inject just enough sass into my submission, I will help my Dominant not lose his touch.
If I am going to submit myself to a Dom, he better damn well deserve my trust and obedience and who’s to say I won’t shake it up from time to time just to make sure he can still handle me? Regardless of whether or not I shiver all over when my man takes control, it’s important for me to feel like I am a siren that can bring him to his knees. I never want to feel less than… My submission is my choice.
If all I ever am is docile and compliant, that will get boring quickly. Plus, it certainly will not encourage growth in either Dom or submissive. Now, I am not talking about being a bitch who is constantly defiant and obnoxious. No one likes an exasperated Dominant. Flirt, tease, spark that alpha glint in his eye. Nudge him into bringing you to heel. Doms love the hunt, the claiming, and the owning… However, any Sir worth his salt will protect, woo, lovingly conquer, and cherish, because a submissive needs to feel safe, and desired, and pleasing, and taken away from herself.
It’s a give and take, deep, abiding needs from both sides fulfilled… Power exchange.