Sunday Thoughts – 08/06/2017

I decided to create a shared blog for my Sir and I this past week. I realized a few weeks ago that my blog had become dominated with pictured of just my Sir and I. I love every one of them, but the focus of my blog was always about my whole adventure and not just one part. It’s easy to get lost into one person and forget yourself. I enjoy sharing my sexual exploration in my blog, and that needs to be about more than just my relationship with my Sir. That is a good thing for me to do. Taking pictures of myself has been an important part of my journey. It has helped me accept myself and actually come to love myself in the end. I needed to truly see myself for who I am, not the warped view I had in my head from years of negative self talk from childhood to adulthood.

I like having our own shared blog any way. I have so much I want to explore with him. We both enjoy the tumblr space and it is a way to interact virtually while we are not together. It is our virtual space between our play dates. I have a lot of anxiety about separation that came from childhood challenges. I always have to work to manage it because it can be overwhelming at times. I am so thankful that I have a Sir that is patient enough to help me work through it. I have started adding new things to help fill the time between our play dates. Sir is right. We will have many play dates ahead. He is committed to me and us. I need to continue to trust in that, regardless of how hard it is to do so at times.

I updated my fetish list on fetlife. I can already see myself adapting to my Sir. He has pushed me gently, but steadily forward. Expanding my limits and helping me discover new things that arouse me. I feel free to share with him my thoughts and desires and fantasies. I feel no judgement from him, only love and support. He has provided me the comfort, safety, and security, that I needed to explore my submission. I adore being his submissive. I find myself constantly looking for new ways to please him. I love exploring spankings and pain play, and other fantasies with him. He just does it for me in every way, I look forward to putting my collar on for him every day, whether in person or not, I am His.

I am a happy little girl. I have all of my needs being met and I feel utterly fulfilled. I am exploring my fantasies with my Daddy and my Sir and that has been thrilling. I am looking forward to the new adventures ahead. My Sir has opened up whole new horizons to me. It is a big, kinky, world out there!

Monday thoughts

Friday won’t come soon enough…
Too many meetings.
Too many deadlines.
Too many emails.
How will I get through it all?

Friday will be here right on time.
Be patient.
Be centered.
Be calm.
Can I stay focused on one thing at a time?

Friday time will stop time for a few moments.
I will undress for him.
I will present for inspection.
I will undress him.
Am I ready for my next lesson in submission?



Diary – 07/23/2017

I was reminded about trust with my Sir again this week and last. I let emotions build up in me over several things. Stress from work for both of us, the length of time since our last visit, unknown about when our next visit would be, and a vacation with no cell service, left me full of anxiety and stress. The time apart was good for me to evaluate what I wanted and needed to be happy. I realized it was not so much the length of time between our visit, but rather the unknown when it would occur again. Watching my work calendar fill-up was giving me tremendous anxiety and adding to my overall stress.

I realized that I needed to communicate that it was not just about the actual visit, although that is tremendously important to me. It was about being able to feel Iike I was able to carry the submissive feelings I get with our in person dates, to our time apart from each other. My contract, tasks, assignments, demands, and other things that push me, are all invaluable to keeping my collar and leash firmly in place, even when they are not physically being held by my Sir.

My trust in my Sir and us was rewarded with an even deeper level of intimacy between us. I spoke to him on the phone and let go of all the anxiety and worry. He listened to my worries and troubles and soothed my tears. It was an honest an open conversation about my needs and it was met with love and patience. We both agreed that we wanted to return to the structure of a contract. That has quickly been put back in place and I feel better for it already.

I am looking forward to our upcoming play date. Each time we spend precious hours together I am transported to a magical time and space. My submission grows and my adoration for my Sir only deepens.

What I need as a Submissive

Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and consider your needs.

1. I need to feel safe.
2. I need to know I am accepted for all that I am.
3. I need to have clearly defined limits.
4. I need consistency.
5. I need to expand my limits.
6. I need to be taught.
7. I need goals that make me stretch.
8. I need to be corrected and disciplined.
9. I need my Dominant to be my role-model.
10. I need approval and reassurance.
11. I need to be able to express myself freely.
12. I need to learn from my mistakes.
13. I need forgiveness when I fail.
14. I need to feel I contribute.
15. I need to enjoy successes.
16. I need to share all of myself.
17. I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in my submission.